Ah, Serendipity. This is a fun word which just means "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise". In other words, this is simply a word to describe an occurrence where something good comes when you least expect it or out of the most unusual circumstances. As I watched the stressful movie that bears this title and an adorable John Cusack with my roommates this weekend, I saw how it was just like my life. No, I don't actually go around writing my name and phone number on a five dollar bill and waiting for Mr.Perfect to just so happen to get it as change or a birthday present, but all the same I am here waiting, feeling as if I have no control over my "destiny". I'm just hoping that my life doesn't take a turn where seven years later I realize the week before my wedding that I am not going to marry the right guy and the person I'm actually supposed to be with was that same person I only met once. Yeah, let's pray it doesn't get that hectic. (If you ever watch this movie, which I highly recommend, make sure you are with people that don't mind you screaming at the TV throughout the movie. It will happen. :)
"Where do you want to be in 5 years?"
Are you kidding me? I hate that question with every fiber of my being. And you think I'm kidding. I remember those exercises we would do in Young Women's or Sunday School, or even for secular classes that would ask this question and expect you to be able to answer them in a matter of minutes. I would always think really hard about it, and give my honest answer of where I want to be or what I want to be doing with my life in the next 5 years, but I also always gave really vague answers - "Graduate from high school/ college. Get a job. Get married." Yup. That was about it...in no particular order.
Yes, it is good to set goals and standards for yourself to try to get to a certain point in a specific amount of time, but it doesn't matter at all what I want. I think it's foolish to try to think we control our "destinies", when in fact it seems that we have very little say in the matter as long as we are following God's will. I've come to know this truth very very well over the past 5 months.
I believe I've already posted about this, but in October during the Church's semi-annual general conference I found out that I was at that very moment able to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints instead of waiting until I turn 21. This came as a huge shock, but I knew that same day without a doubt that I was supposed to serve a mission. This was definitely NOT part of my 5 year plan. Yeah I thought about it every once in a while, but I never had that burning desire to serve a mission. Let's be honest - I was always one of those girls who wanted to be married before that opportunity presented itself. Ha, shows how much I have yet to learn about life!
Now that my papers are done and my call should be getting here in the next week and a half, I'm starting to feel the pressure. Or should I say the lack thereof. I'm starting to think something is wrong with me for not feeling nervous or anxious or doubting my decision to serve. I don't know why I would, but I know that I am nowhere near as prepared as I should or could be and that in itself frightens me, but not too much. My loving dad already laughed at me tonight for telling him that I was "nervous about not feeling nervous" about serving a mission. But I can't help but to feel concerned at what seems like my seemingly over-confidence in my abilities and knowledge. I guess I'm just afraid that my lack of concern now will cause me to pay significantly when I'm actually out in the field. In the meantime I'll just be trying harder to scare myself into feeling the need to push myself harder than ever. My goal is to truly put my life into the hands of the Master. I know no harm will befall me if my life is in order and my priorities are straight. I know that I'm doing the right thing as of right now. Two or three months later, anything could change, but I guess my powers of seeing into the future are just not up to speed right now. Either that or they are just flat out non-existent. I vote the latter.
That, my friends, is simply Serendipity.
Hey, remember that post not too terribly long ago about my major and how much I loved it and adored it? Well, as of last week TR is no longer my emphasis. SURPRISE! Another curve ball in my ever-so-perfect 5 year plan. I still love my past one, but as it turns out it just wasn't right for me. I think I'll be a lot happier with my new emphasis (Community and Youth Development); that is once I get through the multitude of business/management prerequisites. Do you see now why I have come to despise life planning? This was not what was supposed to happen. I could have graduated in a year and a half if I really wanted to. Turns out that didn't really matter if it was not what my loving Heavenly Father wanted me to do. Regardless of the seemingly negative set-backs, I know that these changes are for the best and that my Heavenly Father wouldn't tell me to do something were it not in my best interest. But in all seriousness, that's another 2 years of schooling I have to complete. I'll pretty much be starting from scratch when I get back from my mission. But let's just take it one step at a time: let's just say that I'm done with trying to plan my life out.
"We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available - all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. "This is the day which the Lord hath made ...," the Psalmist wrote. "Rejoice and be glad in it." - Dieter F Uchtdorf
Live your life to the fullest right now. Be who you want to be right now. Don't wait for that 5 year mark to come around and then evaluate yourself on how well you stuck to it - don't be too stubborn to make changes! If you are letting God steer your life to the path it needs to be on, then nothing could go wrong. Don't get all bent out of shape if you don't see the immediate blessings that come from following God's will. It will come, of course according to His own time.
