But that's extremely unrealistic.
Coming home from any great experience requires a lot of adjustments. I think for all people experiencing a major life change, there must be a great amount of soul-searching and personal revelation and evaluation. Maybe things have changed - before you may have seemed so certain, and now what? You have goals, but haven't actually considered the plans and investment it is going to take to get there. So what do you do?
Lately, I'd been feeling empty. Not from the lack of funds to buy food, or from the lack of sleep I know I am suffering from. But really just spiritually empty. There's was a hole, and I didn't know how to fill it.
Over the past 2 years, it seems as if I've learned the same lesson over and over again; but obviously I haven't internalized it as much as Heavenly Father would like me to yet.
I think it is natural to try to shun negative feelings of sadness or being lost. Instead of trying to act like they don't exist, why not just admit them to ourselves and work through them instead? These feelings are going to come up in life, and I promise they will last but a small moment (even if they do feel like an eternity sometimes). This is not only my promise, but this is God's promise to us.
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
D&C 121:7-8
So I've come to grips with the feelings I am having; there's really no use in ignoring them. There are changes going on in my life, and to be quite honest, I'm not sure how to handle all of them. Sometimes I feel lost and alone; like a part of me was left behind in Thailand, and the rest of me is just confused. However, that doesn't change the fact that I still have mountains to climb right here, right now. Running away or returning to what is comfortable does not change the fact that God is refining me and has things for me to learn. Change is good, because that is how we learn and grow.
I'm a hermit crab. Yep, that's me. I just got a new shell, and let's just say that it's kinda roomy in here. Almost like an uncomfortable void - what am I supposed to do with all of it? I had an equally uncomfortable shell placed on me 20 months ago, and now I've outgrown that one and I'm getting a new one. (To be honest, it's a miracle that I ever grew into that first one!) I forgot what it was like to have to change...I just got used to my missionary shell! I was finally filling it out, and now I have to start all over again. But you know what that means? I'm progressing. God saw that I was getting too cozy in my old shell, so He blessed me with a new one. So this is the new and improved me - but I admit that I'm still adjusting.
So how do I fill all this empty space while I'm in the process of growing into my new shell? What is going to fill the void that I feel is inside of me?
I did a brief search of the scriptures, and there are several things that I feel like can help the hungering soul.
First, my thoughts led me to the New Testament (and Book of Mormon) to the Sermon on the Mount. The Savior gives the Beatitudes, one of which is as follows:
"6 And blessed are all they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost." (3 Nephi 12:6)
Then I remembered the sermon given to the Samaritan woman:
"14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." (John 4:14)
God has promised me many things, many wonderful blessings. That is what I have hope for. I have hope that God will keep His promises to me, and I have hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Through Him, we can do all things. We can receive all the things that God has prepared for us individually. Even when times get rough and the waves start to beat upon the sides of the ship, we can be sure that God is there with us. One of my favorite quotes from the MTC is this:
"When you feel like you are drowning, remember that your lifeguard walks on water."
Relying on Christ is the only way we will feel full and find satisfaction in life. Change is inevitable, sometimes scary, and oftentimes we have to walk in the dark before we receive more light, but God won't let us fall. Christ is the living water, the bread of life. When we go unto Him, we can't help but to come away full. This "fulness" does not mean that everything will be perfect, or that there won't be uncertainties in life, but it does mean that we don't have to be afraid, because God has a plan for us and His promises WILL be fulfilled.
No comments:
Post a Comment